关于母亲的英语诗歌：妈妈教会我的事，幽默（双语）

My mother taught me...我母亲教会我的事，文章以幽默诙谐的手法写了从母亲的每一句话中学会的道理，尽管有的真的很搞笑，但是如果每个孩子都能明白母亲每句话背后的含义，那母亲会是多么开心呢？
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
母亲教会我如何珍惜他人辛苦劳动：
"If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
“如果你们要打架，到外边打去我刚整理好房间！”
My mother taught me RELIGION
母亲教会我什么是宗教：
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
“你最好祈祷那个东西能从地毯下冒出来。”
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL
母亲教会我什么是时间旅行：
"If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
“你要是不改，我把你一把推到下周三！”(意为：不让过周末。)
My mother taught me LOGIC
母亲教会我什么是逻辑：
"Because I said so, that’s why."
“为什么？因为我就是这么说的！”
My mother taught me FORESIGHT
母亲教会我什么是远见：
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident."
“一定要穿干净内衣，以防万一你遇到事故。”
My mother taught me IRONY
母亲教会我什么是讽刺：
"Keep laughing and I’ll give ou something to cry about."
“接着笑吧，我让你一会儿哭不出来”
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM
母亲教会我什么是柔体杂技：
"Will you ’look’ at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
“你能不能看看你脖子后面的泥！”
My mother taught me about STAMINA
母亲教会我什么是耐力：
"You’ll sit there ’til all that spinach is finished."
“坐在那儿，直到把所有的菠菜吃完。”
My mother taught me about WEATHER
母亲教会我如何识天气：
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
“好像有龙卷风席卷过你的房间。”
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS
母亲教会我如何解决物理学问题：
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"
“如果我高声叫喊，是因为我看见有一颗流星正朝你俯冲而来，那你会不会听我的话？”
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
母亲教会我什么是伪善：
"If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times - Don’t exaggerate!"
“如果我曾告诉过你一次，我实际上已告诉过你百万次不许夸张!”
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
母亲教会我什么是生命的轮回：
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
“是我把你带来这个世界的，我也可以让你离开。”
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
母亲教会我什么是行为矫正：
"Stop acting like your father!"
“别像你父亲那样做！”
My mother taught me about ENVY
母亲教会我什么是嫉妒：
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!"
“这世界上有数百万不幸的孩子，他们可没有你这么好的父母。”