毒舌评委代表：西门.考威尔最全的经典损人语录（中英对照）

you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your handsome prince.
为了找到王子，我们不得不亲吻好多青蛙。（海选就是亲吻青蛙的过程？）
that was extraordinary. unfortunately, extraordinary bad!
你的表演很特别。 不幸的是，特别地差劲。
it sounds like a dog miaoing.
感觉像一只狗叫“喵~”
excruciating indulgent rubbish！！！
超级无敌的垃圾！！（某一场点评adam lambert）
what the bloody hell is that???
真tmd该死啊
i am not being rude, but ....(but后面很rude啊)
我无意冒犯，但是……
it sounds like a baby crying.
听起来就是婴儿的哭声。（一个黑人模仿萨克斯的口技）

i actually think you need to do something in your life that involves shouting.
我确实觉得你这辈子需要找个与"喊叫"有关的事做（那样就能显出你的才华了）
it is a beautiful song when you're not singing it.
这是首优美的歌，当你不唱的时候。
it sounded like cats jumping off the empire state building.
像一只猫从帝国大厦楼顶跳下来，落到地面前发出的声音
you should be outside …… flitzen and holding trees (路易斯狂笑，三爷看着他) seriously……swimming in the lake（路易斯说“裸着吗？”）……with the music play around you……
你应该裸奔出去，抱着树……我说真的，在湖里游泳……四周音乐环绕^
years ago, by accident, i sat on my cat----------that is the closest sight review,……sorry
很久以前，我不小心坐在我的猫上，……这是我听到最像的版本 ……

"you're like a mouse trying to be an elephant." (to shawn armenta, episode 1)
你就像一只想变成大象的老鼠。
"it was like you had an argument with britney spears, got drunk, and decided to scream the song at her." (to patrick ford, episode 2)
就像你跟布兰妮有个争执，然后借个酒胆，决定对着她吼这首歌。
it was like taking a musical sleeping pill.(to an unlucky contestant, episode 5)
就像吃了一片音乐安眠药。
it was like the six of you were waiting for a bus and somebody asked you to sing... a demi lovato song.”
就像你们六人要去赶公交车，然后有人要你们唱首歌，唱首黛咪.拉瓦托的歌。
i won’t remember you in fifteen minutes.
一刻钟之后，我就不会记得你是谁了。
she has pneumonia? is that infectious?
她有肺炎吗？会传染吗？

you’re like a singing candle. you just stand there and melt.
你就想一支唱着歌的蜡烛，就站在那里，然后化了。
i wouldn’t play that at my funeral.
我不会在我的葬礼上播放这个的。
it was like ……i’m walking down manchester high street three in the morning you just be through by the night-club and start singing <blame it on the boogie >，in seriously
这就像……凌晨3点在曼彻斯特大街走着的我，偶遇刚被从夜总会扔出来的你，然后你开始唱<blame it on the boogie>
it sounded like cats jumping off the empire state building.
听上去像一只猫从帝国大厦跳下来。
you have just invented a new form of torture.
你发明了一种折磨人的新手段。
i'm going to reach out with a hook if you don't shut up.
如果你再不闭嘴，我就向里面甩个鱼钩。

if you had lived 2,000 years ago and sung like that, i think they would have stoned you.
如果你生活在2,000年前， 唱得这样，人们会向你扔石头。
there's only so much punishment a human can take. i can't take anymore.
人类能承受能力是有限的，我再也无法忍受了。
you killed my favorite.
你扼杀了我最喜欢的歌曲
you're like a little hamster trying to be a tiger.
你像个小仓鼠要做大老虎
i think you looked as if you were half-asleep throughout the song.
你唱歌的时候，看起来处在半睡眠状态
i couldn't understand a single word. ... you could have been singing in norwegian.
我一个字也听不懂，你大概在用挪威语演唱。
"that's the direction i want you to take. right, then right (indicating route out of the room)."
（一个女选手说她愿意走评判指引的任何方向）西门说：我要指引你的方向是向右，再向右（指着退场的路）

so you're a talented loony.
（一个女选手将自己与有名的歌手比）西门说：你在狂想方面有天分。
imagine 22 horses and a donkey (racing), you just wouldn't stand a chance.
想象一下，一个猴子与22匹马（赛跑），你一点机会都没有。
what is the right competition for him? 'wheel of fortune'?"
什么才是最合适他的比赛？轮盘赌？（意思是他啥也不会）
it's like you were drunk. i'm not talking 1 or 2 bottles, i'm talking a crate.
你看起来喝多了。我说的不是1瓶2瓶，我说的是一箱。
you're like a singing yo-yo, one minute you're down, one minute you're up.
你象个会唱歌的悠悠球，一分钟上， 一分钟下。
your personality is being sucked out of you.
你的个性被什么东西给吸走了。
it was like something out of 'the addams family.' tonight's theme is halloween.
这像是从埃德孟之家出来的东西，今晚的主题叫万圣节（埃德孟之家就跟鬼屋差不多）

you walked in with the lights off.
你走进来把光都带走了。
i never want to hear that song again. i cannot stand it. i'm allergic to it.
我再也不想听到那首歌了，我无法忍受，我对它过敏。
if your lifeguard duties were as good as your singing, a lot of people would be drowning.
如果你的救生员工作像你的演唱这么“棒”的话，很多人都会淹死的。
that was terrible, i mean just awful...she's completely wasting her money. sorry.
太糟了，简直糟透了。她简直就是在浪费她的钱。抱歉。
my advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't.
我的建议是，如果你想做音乐这行，打消念头吧。
keith, last year i described someone as being the worst singer in america. i think you're possibly the worst singer in the world ... i`ve never, ever heard anything like that in my life, ever.
keith, 去年我形容过某个人是全美国最烂的歌手。但我认为你很可能是全世界最烂的。我这一辈子还从来没听过那样的东西。

let me throw a mathematical dilemma at you - there's 500 left, well how come the odds of you winning are a million to one? 让我给你找个数学方面的两难问题——只剩下500个，那你的胜率怎么会是百万分之一？
you look a little odd, your dancing is terrible, the singing was horrendous, and you look like one of those creatures that live in the jungle with the massive eyes. what do they call those? bush babies.
你看起来有些古怪，你的舞步很糟糕，你的歌声也很恐怖，而且你看起来好像住在丛林中那些长着大眼睛的生物一样。他们是怎么叫这些生物的来着？bush babies.
your facial expressions are ugly… you are a beautiful girl but you’re ugly when you perform.
你的面部表情很难看……你是个漂亮的姑娘，但你表演的时候很丑。
that performance was as relevant as a cat turning up for cruft's.
这段表演像是一只猫突然出现在了cruft's dog show上。（英国的一个选狗大赛）

if you win this competition, we will have failed.
如果你要是胜出的话，那就是我们的失败。
louis is the equivalent of a mosquito in your bedroom. he's not really annoying until he gets close to you, then you have to swat him. louis就像一只你卧室里面的蚊子。直到他离近你的时候你才会发现他很讨厌，然后你就得拍死他了。
应对质疑：
very simple. i'm putting up the money, and i also have ears.
很简单。我投的钱，而且我有耳朵。
——在有美国人质疑凭什么一个英国佬来评价我们的时候如是说
my attitude is, if someone's going to criticize me, tell me to my face.
如果有人打算批评我，我的态度是，当着我的面说。
if i said to most of the people who auditioned, 'good job, awesome, well done,' it would have made me actually look and feel ridiculous. it's quite obvious most of the people who turned up for this audition were hopeless.
如果我对大多数参加试唱的人都说：“太棒了，很好，非常不错，”的话，这才会让人们和我自己感觉到很荒谬。因为非常明显大多数来参加海选的人是没什么希望胜出的。
the end of the animal trade would leave more time to trap or beat to death pop star wannabes.
动物交易最终应该留出更多时间猎捕和打死那些想成为明星的人。