希望与失望：所有失望都来源于希望

being disappointed is all about perspective. it took me a long time to realize this. i was under the impression that if someone did something i didn't like, or a situation evolved that i wasn't happy with, then i had the "right" to be disappointed. of course the disappointment always led to me having the "right" to be upset, depressed, frustrated or even angry. after all, the situation didn't turn out the way it was supposed to, or a particular person didn't behave the way i believed they should. therefore, it was disappointing to me and i felt let down. i never once thought it was just my perception of the matter that was causing my disappointment and that i could control this!

what i slowly began to realize through studying myself, as well as paying attention to others around me, was that those things that would upset me, would not upset someone else. i also noticed that those things that appeared to be the biggest deal to someone else, only made me laugh. so what was going on? obviously, it couldn't be the situation itself because that was the one constant thing in each equation. what did change was who was interpreting the situation. that was what was different. so i began to wonder if my perception of a situation, any situation, was something i could control? could i change the way i perceived something, and therefore, change my emotional reaction? i discovered, that yes it was possible. i wasn't necessarily in control over what happened to me, or around me, but i was definitely in control over how i responded to those situations.
i began to play with this idea a bit. i believe that the people in our lives are great mirrors for how we think and behave, and therefore, can be great educational tools. so i started to focus on the people at work, my fellow employees as well as the customers. i began to pay close attention to what it was they were complaining about and the reasons behind their getting disappointed or upset. i would perceive the situation through their eyes, and then i would force myself to step back from the situation and see the bigger picture. what i always got from this exercise was a different perspective.

what i began to see over and over again was that when most of us get upset it is for one reason and one reason only. the universe is not behaving the way we believe it should behave. this could mean that we didn't get the raise we believed we were entitled too, so we become disappointed. if we had not expected a raise in the first place, however, we never would have been disappointed would we? it could also mean that someone does not treat us in a particular way that we believe we should be treated. or our dreams don't turn out the way we believe they should have turned out. or an investment didn't work out the way we thought it would. or someone dies before we believe they should die. it can be as heavy as that. i am not saying it isn't sad, but at the same time it isn't our choice to say how long someone is to live, now is it? those are our perceptions of what we want, of how we want the universe to behave. when we get disappointed, we never stop and think that it is our perceptions or beliefs that are wrong. we think it is the universe that is wrong because of how we feel personally! that is a pretty grand stand to take when you think about it.

so how do we change our perceptions? by becoming more aware of what your perceptions and beliefs are. you cannot change what you do not understand. so spend some time looking internally and when you become disappointed, think about what is disappointing you. is it really the situation or the person, or is it because they are not behaving in a way you believe they should behave? then slowly as you do this, force yourself to look at the bigger picture of what is going on. force yourself to see the situation from a new perspective and offer positive spins on what has happened. i believe that the more you do this, the less you will be disappointed because you will stop taking things so personally. you will also begin to realize that the way things turn out are the way things are supposed to turn out, whether they are in line with your beliefs or not. this will lead you to feeling more in control of your emotions as well as of your behaviors and actions. you will also be able to use any challenge as an opportunity to grow, develop, and move your life forward, because you will not continuously be knocked down by disappointment.
原文链接：http://www.ddyingyu.com


所有失望都来源于希望，这是我花了很长时间才明白的。我一直抱着这样的想法，如果有人做了我不喜欢的事，或形势发展不如我所愿，我就有“权利”失望。当然了，失望总会导致我有 “权利”烦恼、消沉、失意，甚至生气。总之，只要形势发展的结果不是我所期望的，或者某个特殊人物的行为方式是我认为他不该有的，就会令我失望，我就会感到沮丧。我从没想到正是自己对事物的认知角度引起了自己的失望，而那是自己可以控制的！
通过对自己的研究，也注意观察周围的人，我才慢慢明白了，那些令我烦恼的事情，并不会令别人烦恼。我还注意到那些对别人来说比天大的事情，只会令我一笑而过。那么，这是怎么回事呢？很显然，这并不在于事情的本身，因为在任何同类情况下，它始终如此。真正发生变化的是涉入其中的人。这才是不同之处。因此，我开始想自己对任何情境的认识是否能够掌控？自己是否能改变认识事物的方式，从而改变自己的心理反应？我发现，是的，这是可能的。我不一定能控制发生在自己身上或自己周围的事，但是我完全能够控制自己应对那些情况的反应。

我开始发挥这一想法。我相信，生活中的人们是自己的想法和行为的真实反映，因而，能成为巨大的咨询工具。于是，我开始把注意力集中到工作中的人们，我的同事，以及顾客。我开始密切注意他们抱怨些什么，以及他们感到失望或烦恼的原因。我会通过他们的眼神感知真实的情况，然后迫使自己退后一步，看得更全面些。从这个实验中我总是能够得到不同的认识。
我再三发现的是，大多数人感到烦恼的时候，只为一个原因，只有一个。那就是，天地万物没有按我们认为它们应该的那样表现。这可能意味着我们没有得到本来相信自己有资格得到的提升，因而失望。如果一开始我们就没有指望得到提升，那么就永远不会感到失望，不是吗？也可能意味着某人没有像我们认为自己应该得到的特殊方式去对待我们。或者，我们的梦想没有像自己认为的那样变为现实。或者某项投资没有如我们想像的那样成功。或者，某人出乎我们意外地去世。事实可能就是这么沉重。我并不是说这不令人难过，但是，说某人能活多久并不是我们能够选择的，不是吗？那都是我们的主观愿望，是我们对天地万物如何表现的期望。当我们感到失望的时候，从来没有停下来想一想是我们的理解或信仰出了错。我们认为是天地万物出了错，因为我们是凭个人的感觉而言！当你考虑到这一点，就真正站对了立场。

那么，我们该如何改变自己的观念呢？我们一定要知道自己的观念和信仰是什么。你不可能改变自己不明白的东西。因此，花点时间观察自己的内心世界，当你感到失望的时候，想想是什么令你失望？真的是因为当时的情况，还是因为某个人，或者因为他们没有按照你认为的那样表现？这样做的时候，要慢慢地强迫自己看清楚更全面的形势发展，迫使自己从一个新视角去看待当时情况，以正确的态度对待正在发生的事情。我相信，你越这样做，失望的感觉就越少，因为你看问题不会再那么就人而论。你还会开始认识到形势发展就应该是以这种方式，不管它是否符合你的信仰。这将有助于你更好地控制情绪，更好地掌握自己的表现和行动。你还能够把所有挑战当作机会，进而丰富和发展自己的生活，推动自己的生活向前进，因为你再也不会不断地受到失望的重击。
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