让祷告不再仅仅是祷告 Living My Prayer

i watch what i do to see what i really believe.
belief and faith are not just words. it's one thing for me to say i'm a christian, but i have to embody what it means; i have to live it. so, writing this essay and knowing i'll share it in a public way becomes an occasion for me to look deeply at what i really believe by how i act.
"love your neighbor as yourself," jesus said, and as a beginner nun i tried earnestly to love my neighbor — the children i taught, their parents, my fellow teachers, my fellow nuns. but for a long time, the circle of my loving care was small and, for the most part, included only white, middle-class people like me. but one day i woke up to jesus' deeper challenge to love the outcast, the criminal, the underdog. so i packed my stuff and moved into a noisy, violent housing project in an african-american neighborhood in new orleans.

i saw the suffering and i let myself feel it: the sound of gunshots in the night, mothers calling out for their children. i saw the injustice and was compelled to do something about it. i changed from being a nun who only prayed for the suffering world to a nun with my sleeves rolled up, living my prayer. working in that community in new orleans soon led me to louisiana's death row.
so, i keep watching what i do to see what i actually believe.
jesus' biggest challenge to us is to love our enemies. on death row, i encountered the enemy — those considered so irredeemable by our society that even our supreme court has made it legal to kill them. for 20 years now, i've been visiting people on death row, and i have accompanied six human beings to their deaths. as each has been killed, i have told them to look at me. i want them to see a loving face when they die. i want my face to carry the love that tells them that they and every one of us are worth more than our most terrible acts.

but i knew being with the perpetrators wasn't enough. i also had to reach out to victims' families. i visited the families who wanted to see me, and i founded a victims support group in new orleans. it was a big stretch for me, loving both perpetrators and victims' families, and most of the time i fail because so often a victim's families interpret my care for perpetrators as choosing sides — the wrong side. i understand that, but i don't stop reaching out.
i've learned from victims' families just how alone many of them feel. the murder of their loved one is so horrible, their pain so great, that most people stay away. but they need people to visit, to listen, to care. it doesn't take anyone special, just someone who cares.
writing this essay reminds me, as an ordinary person, that it's important to take stock, to see where i am. the only way i know what i really believe is by keeping watch over what i do.

independently produced for weekend edition sunday by jay allison and dan gediman with john gregory and viki merrick.


我监督自己的所做所为来确认自己真正的信仰。
信仰并非只是口头上的。宣称自己是基督徒是一回事，但我还需要用行动来诠释这一信仰。我必须实践这个信仰。因此，撰写这篇文章并与公众一同分享这一点对我来说非常重要：监督我自己的行为来更确认我的信仰。
耶稣说“爱邻如己”。 作为一个菜鸟修女我曾最大热情的去爱我的邻居们 —— 那些我教导的小孩，小孩的父母，我的老师们，我的修女同伴们。但是时间一长，我发现这个爱的圈子就变小了，并且其中的大部分都是与我相似的白人中产阶级。直到一天我突然意识到耶稣信仰中的更大的挑战：去爱那些被抛弃的人，罪犯，失败者。因此我打点好行装，搬进在新奥尔良的一个非洲裔美国人社区。那里充满了噪音和暴力犯罪。

我触摸和体验到了这里的苦难：那些同时在深夜里飘荡着的枪声和母亲对孩子的呼唤。我看到了这里的种种不公，并不由自主的想做一点事情。我从一个仅仅为世间苦难祈祷的修女变成了一个卷起袖子去实现祷告的修女。在新奥尔良黑人社区的侍奉很快又带领我去了路易斯安那州的死囚牢。
我一直通过监督我的行为来确认我的信仰。
耶稣给我们的最大挑战是去爱我们的仇敌。在死囚牢，我遇到了这些敌人 —— 那些被社会认为无可救药的甚至被最高法院判处死刑的人。在过去的20年，我一直在探访这些死刑犯，并陪伴了其中的六人的死刑。在他们被处死的时候，我告诉他们看着我。我想让他们在死的时候看到一张充满爱心的脸。我想通过我的脸传递给他们一个信息，那就是他们和我们每一个人都可以更有价值，比起我们过去可怕的罪孽。

我知道仅仅陪伴犯罪者是不够的，我还需要把手伸向他们的家庭。我访问了那些愿意接纳我的家庭，在新奥尔良筹建了一个支持他们的组织。这对我来说是一个非常大的拓展——去爱罪犯以及他们的家人。大部分的时候我都失败了，因为这些家庭往往认为我对罪犯的关心是自讨没趣。我理解，但没有放弃。
我了解到那些犯罪者的家属是多么的孤独。人们因为行凶者的可怕而远离了这些家庭。却忽略了犯罪者亲属的痛苦也是巨大的。他们需要人们的探访，倾听和关心。这并不是特殊的人才可以做到的事情，愿意去关心的人都可以做到。
撰写本文提醒了我，作为一个普通人，盘点一下自己在信仰中所处的位置是非常重要的。我所知道的确认自己真正信仰的唯一方法就是监督自己的所做所为。
点击查看更多双语阅读