The Light Inside 心灵的明灯

the light inside
life is truly beautiful. just look at the trees: the leaves are green, the trunk is brown and the flowers are colorful.
i sat in the balcony of my house thinking about the beautiful redbud1 tree that was there, and the whiff of wet mud refreshed my memories again. i still remember that day. it was raining. i was staying in a house surrounded by trees. the sky was adorned with rain clouds. the eucalyptus tree in the garden swayed with joy and the air was filled with the sweet smell of wet mud. it was truly glorious.
it was summer and we had vacations. i had had a lot of fun going for picnics, learning to swim and climbing mountains. it had been a wonderful vacation. school was just a week away and i was very happy; i would be in a new class. well, let me not think about that as yet. i still had a week!

my friend came over and we were playing in the garden when we decided to climb a tree. it was a little slippery2 but i had to get up there and touch those tender green leaves. they are always softer than the others.
as i tried to reach it, i slipped and fell. the next thing i remembered was that i woke up. i tried to open my eyes, or i felt that my eyes were open, but i could not see anything but darkness. i knew i was in the hospital. i could smell it but the darkness that i saw was weird3. i mean i had been in darkness before; however, even when it is dark i could at least see something.
"how did i get here?" i thought. then i remembered playing with this friend of mine and now i knew i fell off the tree.
i must have moved because my mother held my hand. her small little podgy4 hands were so soft. she came and gave me a kiss. i wanted to see her so i said," mom, could you please switch on the light? it is too dark. i want to see you."

she sounded puzzled, "but the lights are on, sweetheart!"
i was confused. i touched my eyes. as i have mentioned, i felt them open but i wanted to make sure. "are you sure that the lights are on mummy, because i can’t see you?" i said.
suddenly i felt very scared. i wanted to see my mother. and then an idea flashed in my mind; it sent a shudder5 all over of me. i knew something had gone wrong with me. i felt that i had become blind and won’t be able to see again. "no, this can’t be true. this is not happening to me," i started to cry.
the doctors rushed in and immediately a series of tests were taken. then they gave me the news i already knew. i was depressed and angry.
i hated the world, and the only question i had was, why me?
i stayed this way for quite some time. everyone tried to cheer me up. my best friend came to see me every day and she told me stories about school. she read to me but i wanted to be in school too. it was my school!

so one day i walked up to my dad and told him, "daddy, i want to go to school." "that’s great!" my father exclaimed, "there is a new school not very far from here; i will get you admitted there."
"a different school? no! i want to go to my school," i said.
my father tried to explain that i would not be able to fit in, but i was adamant6. after some time he gave up.
"i am not going to a blind school," i thought.
a few weeks went by and i tried to occupy myself and not think of my eyes, but nothing helped. i was totally consumed by grief7. i was totally frustrated. i could not even get up and go to the living room by myself. i needed somebody all the time. i felt very dependent and helpless.
i was standing in my balcony wondering, "why me?" when it began to rain. the whiff of the wet mud smell filled my lungs and suddenly i felt someone whisper in my heart, "life is full of choices, so choose to be happy."

that night when i slept, i kept dreaming of the words. when i woke up the next morning, i felt happy and hopeful and suddenly i knew things would get better. those words that was whispered in my heart made me seriously think about the situation i was in, and i knew i had the choice of either sitting and sulking1 about life or to go out there and learn to live a wholesome2 life. i knew that my choice was to live life to the full.
at breakfast i announced to my dad, "daddy, i want to go to blind school. would you take me there?" my father hugged me and said, "my dear, i am proud of you. of course i will take you there."
my mother hugged me too. i knew she was overwhelmed3 with emotion. i knew she had tears in her eyes, because i felt them.
that morning was the new beginning. i went to this school and i heard a lot of children. i finally heard the voices of children after months of waiting. my new teacher escorted me to the class where we were taught to write in braille4 and to type in braille. the best part, we had our own library with books in braille. there i learned how to read and write in braille, though i must admit that i found it quite difficult.

one day, i sat in the library trying to read but i was unable to. i became very disappoint-ed and sad. my father came in and sat next to me. he noticed that i was unusually quiet and knew something must be wrong; he always knew.
"hi, sweetheart, how is school going on?" he asked.
"daddy, i can’t do this. i try and try but i just don’t get it sometimes. i don’t know if i am ever going to learn to read braille. it is too tough," i cried.
daddy just held me tight and said, "do you remember that we went to the temple which is on the top of a mountain? when we were climbing the mountain, my legs started aching. i sat down and said, 'i can’t see the temple. where is it?’ you told me, 'daddy, the temple is there. you can’t see it because it is covered with fog. although you can’t see it, i know it is there. i also know you will climb up to it. i will make sure you do.’"
"well sweetheart, that day you showed me that just you can’t see something, does not mean it is not there. so although climbing the mountain was difficult i knew the temple was there and i knew i would reach it."

i was clear about what my dad wanted me to understand.
i went back to school and started with new vigor. very soon i could read. one day my friends and i talked about ourselves. i spoke about how beautiful the world looks and how i missed seeing it. and the one thing i most missed seeing, was my parents.
after i said that, i was very quiet, just thinking, when the girl next to me said, "you are lucky you know. you have at least seen them. i have just heard them. you have seen flowers. i can just imagine how they look and i can only smell them. i have been told there are many colors in this world but i don’t understand what color means."
after listening to her for the first time in two years i felt lucky to have at least pictures to relate to the world. and on that day i learnt that although the light in my eyes is gone, i must see the world with the light in my heart.



心灵的明灯
张辉 译
生命确实是美丽的。看看那些树，绿油油的叶子，褐色的树干，五彩斑斓的花朵。
我坐在家里的阳台上对着美丽的紫荆树遐想着，湿润的泥土气味又一次唤起了我的记忆。我仍旧记着那一天，下着雨，我正在一个被树环绕的房子里面。天空乌云密布，花园里的桉树欢快地摇曳着，空气中弥漫着甜甜的湿土的气味。那情景真是很棒。
那是一个夏天，我们还在假期中。我的假日生活趣味横生——野餐，学游泳，爬山。那真是一个美妙的假期。还有一个礼拜就开学了，我将要去一个新班级，现在我仍旧非常快乐。我跟自己说不要去想学校的事，毕竟还有一个礼拜呢！
我的朋友过来找我，我们一同在花园玩，之后我们决定爬树。树有点滑，但我一心想要爬上去，摸摸上面那些更嫩的绿叶，那些叶子总是比其他的叶子更柔软。

我努力向上爬去，可是脚底突然一滑，摔了下来。接下来，我所记得的就是醒了过来。我试图睁开双眼，或者说我感觉自己的眼睛是睁着的，但却看不到任何东西，眼前一片黑暗。我知道自己在医院里，因为我能闻得出来，可是眼前的黑暗却让我感觉很奇怪。自己以前也曾在黑暗中待过，可是那至少也能看到一些东西。
“我是怎么到这儿的？”我心里想。然后我想起自己和朋友玩耍。这时我明白了，自己从树上摔下来了。
我一定是有些激动，因为妈妈在握着我的手，她那双小小的厚实的手是那么的柔软。她过来给了我一个吻。我很想看到她，于是便说：“妈妈，您能把灯打开吗？太黑了，我想看见你。”
她为难地说道：“可是，亲爱的，灯开着啊！”
我很迷惑，摸了摸自己的眼睛。正像我前面提到的，我感觉自己睁着眼，可我还是想确认一下。“妈妈，你确定灯开着吗？为什么我看不到你？”我问。

突然，我感到非常害怕，我想看见我的妈妈。随即一个念头闪入我脑中，让我全身一阵发冷。我意识到自己出了问题，知道自己瞎了，再也看不见了。“不，这不是真的，这不会发生在我身上。”我开始哭起来。
这时大夫冲了进来，立即开始给我做一系列检查，然后告诉了我这个已知道的事实。我沮丧、愤怒。
我恨这个世界，我唯一的问题是：为什么会是我？
我一直处于这种状态相当长一段时间。每个人都想尽办法让我快乐起来。我最好的朋友天天过来看我，她向我讲学校里的事，为我朗读。可是我也想去上学啊，那是我的学校！
于是，有一天我对爸爸说想去上学。“那太好了！”爸爸欢呼道，“离这不太远，有一所新学校，我会设法让你在那儿入学。”
“另一所学校吗？我不去，我想去我的学校。”我说。

爸爸尽量向我解释现在我已不再适合原先那所学校，但是我非常坚持。一段时间 后，他放弃了。
“我是不会去盲人学校的。”我心里想。
几个礼拜过去了，我努力让自己忙起来不去想眼睛的事，可是没有用，我完全被忧伤吞噬了，十分的沮丧、懊恼。我甚至不能独自站起来走到起居室。我无时无刻不需要别人的陪伴，我觉得自己是那么地依赖别人，内心十分无助。
我站在阳台上心里疑惑着“为什么是我？”，这时雨开始下起来。一阵湿润的泥土气息沁入了我的心脾，突然间我感到内心有个声音在悄悄对我说：“生活充满了各种各样的选择，所以你应该选择幸福。”
那天晚上睡梦中这些话一直不断地出现。第二天清晨醒来，我感觉心情愉快，心中充满了希望，突然间我觉得一切都会好起来。那些在我心中被悄悄说出的话让我开始认真思量起自己的处境来。我明白现在自己既可选择沉沦于生命带给我的厄运中坐以待毙，也可以选择走出逆境，学着过一种健康向上的生活。

早餐的时候，我向爸爸宣布：“爸爸，我想去盲人学校，你会带我去那儿吗？”爸爸拥抱着我说：“亲爱的，我为你感到骄傲，我当然会带你去那儿。”
妈妈也拥抱着我，我知道她被翻涌的感情淹没了，我也知道她眼中含着泪，因为我感觉到了她的泪珠。
那天早晨是一个新的开始。我去了学校，听到了许多孩子们的声音，在数月的等待后，我终于又听到了他们的声音。我的新老师护送我到了班级，在这里老师将教我们用盲文来书写，用盲文来打印。最棒的是，我们还有自己的盲文图书馆。在这儿，我学会了如何读写盲文，尽管我必须承认这真的相当难。
一天，当我坐在图书馆里试着阅读的时候，却发现自己办不到，我变得非常沮丧和难过。爸爸走过来坐在了我旁边。他注意到我异乎寻常的安静，便知道一定出了什么问题，他总是会知道。

“嗨，亲爱的，书读得怎么样啊？”他问道。
“爸爸，我做不到，我试了又试，可有时我还是做不到。我不知道自己是否会学会盲文，它太难了。”我哭起来。
爸爸紧紧地握住我对我说：“还记得那次我们去山顶上的那座庙吗？爬山的时候，我的腿开始疼痛，然后我坐下来问你：‘我看不见庙。它在哪儿？’你告诉我：‘爸爸，庙就在那儿，你看不见是因为它被雾遮盖住了。尽管你看不见，我却知道它就在那儿，我也知道你会爬上去的，我保证你办得到。’”
“亲爱的，那天你向我表明看不见什么东西并不意味着那个东西不在那儿。所以，尽管爬山很艰难，但我知道庙就在那儿，我也知道自己会爬上去。”
我清楚爸爸想让我明白什么。
我回到了学校，以崭新的精神面貌又开始了学习，不久我就发现自己可以阅读了。一天我和朋友们聊天。我感慨世界看起来是多么美丽，我又是多么怀念能看到它的日子，而我最怀念的就是我父母的样子。

说完这些之后，我沉默着，心里想着事情，这时我旁边的女孩说：“你知道吗，你很幸运，至少你还见过他们，而我却仅仅听过他们的声音。你看到过花朵，我却只能闻到它们的气味，想象它们的样子。别人告诉我这个世界有很多种色彩，可我却不明白这些色彩到底意味着什么。”
听完她的话，两年里我第一次感到自己幸运，因为我脑中至少还保存有这个世界的画面。那一天，我明白了尽管现实世界中的光亮永远从我面前消失了，但我一定会用内心的明灯来看这个世界。
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